This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
