Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
