I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
