I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
