gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
