Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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