apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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