Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
