drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
