So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
