Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
