Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
