i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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