I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
