girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
