I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
