well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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