i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
