Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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