Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so much tequila, so little girl.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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