What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
