he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
