i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
