I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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