R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
