babies were throwing up all over the place
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
