Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
