when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Where is the hickey?
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
