please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this will be a night to untag.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Dicks are not precious.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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