Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my liver is dry heaving
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
