you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
