My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
