can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
