Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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