But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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