I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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