dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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