the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
