I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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