What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
