Banned from zoo.
Again?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
