This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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