best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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