whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
