That's intense
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
