When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
