Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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