Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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