even my farts smell like vagina
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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