He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
