Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
