chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
