I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
