WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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