haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
