Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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