so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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