Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
