Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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