if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
