Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize