i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize