Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
