He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
