Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
