Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
