That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
