so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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