i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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