I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
