Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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