Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
