is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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