Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
