I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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