The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
