"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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