fuck your aforementioned shoe
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
